Snape Teaches P.E.
by aloofelf
Summary: What happens when Hogwart’s School of Witchcraft and Wizardry decides to start physical education classes and Professor Snape is chosen to run them?
1. Chapter 01

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot.  
  
Title: Snape teaches P.E.  
  
Author: Kivessa  
  
Summary: What happens when Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry decides to start physical education classes and Professor Snape is chosen to run them?  
  
~~~  
  
Chapter one: The Announcement  
  
  
  
It was the first day of school and the returning students were just coming into the great hall for the start of the term banquet.  
  
"Ah Professor Snape," remarked the old school's headmaster "looking forward to the new year?"  
  
'No' thought Snape but politely answered that he was.  
  
Professor Dumbledore smiled as if he heard Snape's private thought and looked at him with a knowing glint in his eye. "Oh I think you'll find many things to look forward to this year Severus."  
  
"What do you mean headmaster?"  
  
"Your new position of course!" Dumbledore answered. But before Severus Snape could inquire more the first year sorting ceremony began.  
  
As the new names were read aloud and the trembling first years were subjected to the painless Sorting Hat procedure. Professor Severus Snape was having a hard time containing himself.  
  
"Finally," he thought, "the Defense Against Dark Arts job is mine!"  
  
Noticing the unmistakable smile upon the otherwise sour Potion's master, Harry Potter and his two friends whispered possibilities to each other.  
  
"Maybe he's got a girlfriend." Harry remarked aloud  
  
Ron sputtered into his pudding and nearly fell off his chair. "Who would like that greasy haired git anyway?"  
  
"You two!" scolded Hermione, "Think about it, what would be the one thing that would make Snape really happy at the start of the term banquet?"  
  
"Harry getting expelled?" offered Ron.  
  
"NO! Snape must've gotten the DADA position." Hermione exclaimed and many heads turned.  
  
"Uh oh" said Seamus  
  
"He'll be unbearable," moaned Neville.  
  
"Actually..." Harry interrupted "he might be friendlier." He said and looked around at the sea of confused Gryffindor faces, "don't you see?" he continued, "Snape always wanted it and he's partly bitter because he's been beaten out of it for so long. He might not be as bitter and resentful if he gets the position!"  
  
Murmurs of assent rose among the Gryffindors and the once miserable looking faces brightened as they hoped for the best.  
  
News of the possible position appointment soon spread throughout the entire hall and there wasn't a single Hogwarts student who didn't think otherwise. Even the Slytherins agreed with this.  
  
Just then Professor Dumbledore rose to address the students and a hush fell upon the hall. "May I have your attention please." He said, "I regret to inform you the Professor Moody will not be teaching Defense Against Dark Arts this year and we have appointed another extremely qualified person to take his place."  
  
You could hear a pin drop in the hall... and Professor Snape held his breath.  
  
"But before I announce his successor... I have another announcement."  
  
Snape groaned  
  
"...Recent studies show that Hogwarts students aren't as physically healthy as they should be. Especially considering that only 28 students actually participate in a sport. Therefore we have decided to implement a physical education course similar to that of muggle schools that you will all be required to take."  
  
All the muggle-borns groaned and protested loudly. The students from wizarding families had varied reactions. Most looked bewildered or curious while the Slytherins looked angry.  
  
"I am required to take a course that muggles take?!" protested Draco Malfoy "My father will hear of this!" but he was not heard over the din of the other students.  
  
The other professors looked intrigued at this idea. None of them were told about this new course.  
  
Professor Dumbledore stood quietly as he waited for the noise to die down again. Severus Snape who was on edge with eagerness to hear that he was the new DADA professor, roared at the students to be silent.  
  
'The sooner he's finished announcing this nonsense the sooner he can announce my new position!' he thought smiling to himself.  
  
"As I was saying," said Dumbledore as the students settled down "obviously we will need someone to teach this semester course..."  
  
The professors all looked at each other nervously... all except Snape of course  
  
"...I'm sure you'll all give your new P.E. teacher Professor Snape a hand for graciously volunteering for this new position!" 


	2. Chapter 02

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot.  
  
Title: Snape teaches P.E.  
  
Author: Kivessa  
  
Summary: What happens when Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry decides to start physical education classes and Professor Snape is chosen to run them?  
  
~~~  
  
Chapter two  
  
  
  
Dumbledore applauded merrily to Professor Snape who looked like his heart had stopped.  
  
The students from muggle households simultaneously burst into laughter much to the confusion of the wizarding household students.  
  
Harry was laughing so hard that he had to hold his stomach with his left hand and pound the table with his right. Dean and Hermione looked like they were going to hyperventilate.  
  
Ron joined in the laughing too although he didn't quite understand what was so funny.  
  
"Now as for the Defense Against Dark Arts position.. I've decided to merge that course in the large part with Care of Magical Creatures which our beloved Professor Hagrid will be teaching with the help of returning Professor Lupin," said Dumbledore.  
  
Professor Lupin entered the room and waved rather sheepishly to all the students. Loud whooping could be heard from the Gryffindor table.  
  
"Now off to bed you go" he continued and shooed the confused students to bed.  
  
***  
  
It took a while for the laughing to stop and for the students to finally go to bed. Even then it was all anyone could talk about the next morning at breakfast.  
  
"Did you see what we had to wear?" giggled Lavender Brown.  
  
"Hermione? Are longs the style for muggle girls?" asked Parvati.  
  
"Um well.. yes.. but they're called shorts not longs" replied Hermione and she continued to explain that a t-shirt and shorts were more appropriate for the type of physical activity that they'd be doing.  
  
"..tumbling and climbing ropes and such.." she continued, answering the questions that wizarding household students asked her.  
  
"So Professor Lupin AND Hagrid will teach DADA?" asked Ginny.  
  
"I suppose-th Hagrid will th-each during full moons-ths." Replied Ron with toast in his mouth.  
  
"I wonder where Snape is?" wondered Harry aloud referring to the empty chair at the Professors table that Snape usually occupied.  
  
Swallowing Ron answered, "Probably too embarrassed at losing the DADA position to show his face." Then he turned to listen to Hermione's explanation of 'jumping-jacks'.  
  
***  
  
After recovering from his heart-attack, Professor Severus Snape headed to Professor Dumbledore's office to protest to his Headmaster that he had never agreed to accept the P.E. teacher position.  
  
"But Severus... you did." Was Dumbledore's reply  
  
"But.. when.. how.." sputtered Snape. He was bewildered and frankly still in disbelief from the incident in the great hall.  
  
"Why you told me that you 'wanted the newly opened position' and said that you were 'the best qualified person for it'."  
  
The Potions Master stood dazed.  
  
"I was very surprised that you were willing to teach potions as well as physical education. But I do not doubt that you will do a marvelous job Severus."  
  
"But..."  
  
"Ah yes that reminds me here is your guidebook and your whistle" and Snape held out his hands as Dumbledore gave him a red book and a silver whistle. "Good luck Severus"  
  
And with that Snape walked out of Dumbledores office defeated. 


End file.
